Claim your space.

During a recent trip to Mexico, two girlfriends and I were enjoying a morning beach walk, feeling the sun on our faces and catching up on life, when two unexpected companions decided to join our girl gang... a pair of beagles. At first, they just seemed like friendly dogs tagging along. But by the end of the day, their free spirit antics had taught me something about claiming space like a boss.

One of the dogs, named Coffee, was pudgy and easygoing. The other, named Petunia, was the playful agitator, keeping the energy high during our walk. After four miles on the beach, and a lot of jostling between these two pups, we got back to our gated house with our furry gal companions still by our side. We gave them water and food, and then parted ways… or so we thought.

Later, one of the guys in our group texted: ‘Um, why is there a dog in our house? Lol.’ We rushed home. Petunia had snuck in through the gate and made herself at home. Lounging by the pool, curling up at our feet, even stretching out on the couch. She didn’t wait for an invitation. She just decided this is where she belonged. 

In that moment watching her endearing and amusing confidence, I wondered what it would feel like to move through the world with such certainty about where I belonged.

I admired Petunia’s bold, unapologetic presence, which made me realize how often I’d embodied the opposite in the past: hesitating, waiting for permission, shrinking back instead of stepping forward.

It's a pattern I had begun to notice across different parts of my life. I remember at a past job, I was invited to an important event. I attended but, instead of introducing myself to the hosts, I hung back with the crowd. I stayed small. When my boss's boss asked who I had spoken to, I winced and explained ‘I didn’t want to interrupt anything.’ She pulled me aside, looked me in the eyes, and sternly said, ‘Your presence matters, Erin.’ I remember feeling a combination of shame and empowerment all at once. It was a moment that stuck with me. What she said was also true. Later, I met these hosts at another event. When they heard I had been at their event, they beamed with excitement.  It sank in. Had I stepped up and introduced myself at the time, I wouldn’t just have owned my space, I would have reminded them that they mattered, too.  

This pattern showed up in relationships, too. I remember being invited to a family event by my boyfriend and my response to him: 'Do you really want me there?' Cue frustration from my partner. The truth is, I never even asked myself if I wanted to attend. I see it so much more clearly now: Instead of asking questions about this event, then checking in with myself about what I wanted, I outsourced the decision. I was looking for permission to belong. I could have made a decision for myself rather than putting that responsibility on someone else.

How often do we habitually do these things? Shrink back, hesitate, wait to be chosen instead of choosing for ourselves?

For so long, I’ve found subtle ways to hide. I'd look outside of myself for confirmation that I belonged. I'm stepping into my own space now, sharing my voice, and practicing what it means to claim my space here, at work, and in my relationships. Of course, it isn’t easy and I’m always working at it. Doubt still rises: Who am I to tell this story? Will anyone care? What if they don't want me there? But I remind myself. Belonging isn’t something we wait to be given. It’s something we claim. When we do this, we paradoxically create belonging for those around us too.

Back to my furry mentor, Petunia. She showed me how claiming space isn’t about waiting for permission. She didn't hesitate. She didn't overthink. She walked right in, stretched out by the pool, and owned her space.

She was a reminder: We belong where we choose to belong.

Be bold. Be unapologetic. 

Be like Petunia. (But maybe skip the breaking and entering part.)

P.S. In case you were wondering... Coffee and Petunia made it home safely to their owners, who were amused (though not surprised) to hear about their beach and Petunia’s pool adventure 'They know every pool in this town!' And speaking of claiming space - this story reminds me of my You Are Amazing. Own That Shit. candle. Maybe Petunia already knows what some of us are still learning.