Slow burn strength.

Recently, life handed me what some might call a pile of shit, but I’ll call it a major challenge. A test. Without getting into any personal or sensitive details, it involved making decisions and taking action for someone I love deeply. The situation itself kicked up familiar emotions and the urge to burn it down (figuratively, of course - though I have lit a candle or two). It’s a situation that got me wondering how to be strong and what that might look like - from brute force, to quiet power, to complete protection mode, to outright destruction.

It’s like facing Bowser (the baddest villain of all) in the Mario Brothers game I play with Jack. Just when I think it’s over, that effing turtle-like beast rises again requiring a quick strategy. Someone hand me some fireballs already. Or maybe I just need some star power. Also where the hell is my friend Yoshi when I need his “no damage” superpower? 

I’ve learned that life has a way of being like a video game with different levels… testing what we learned from the last round, our growth, strength, and even endurance. I’ve also seen how our culture often represents strength under pressure as harshness, toughness, retribution. That burn-shit-down strength gets attention, maybe even rightly so. I mean it takes a lot of fireballs and hits to bring down Bowser! Let’s be honest, there certainly are times for that.

But the wise teacher Pema Chödrön offers wisdom that resonates with my situation: "Everyday we could reflect on this and ask ourselves, ‘Am I going to add to the aggression in the world?" Everyday, at the moment when things get edgy, we could just ask ourselves, ‘Am I going to practice peace, or am I going to war?’”

I’ve learned that peace comes not only from when to act and when not to, but how to act. In my situation, it’s choosing what is best for myself and my family, even if it’s less emotionally satisfying in that moment. It meant composing myself by first taking time to collect information and call on trusted confidants, even when I just wanted to hurl fireballs at the metaphorical Bowser castle... with a dose of gasoline for good measure. I find my ability to level up comes by harnessing anger with clarity, defenses with boundaries. It’s having a plan and calmly executing on it (with or without fireballs). It’s a slow burn perhaps. And it’s effing hard work.

I'd love to say I nailed this approach entirely, but that would be a lie. I've thrown a few of those metaphorical fireballs before thinking. And maybe even wish I’d thrown more at times. I'm figuring this out as I go - stumbling, getting back up, trying again. 

But maybe strength and leveling up isn’t about getting it right each time, but how deeply you get to know yourself through each of these challenges. Maybe choosing peace in a shitstorm you didn't create isn’t weakness at all, it’s slow burn power that’s healing both the situation and ourselves.