Bridge the cracks in connection.

Arguments about what is true are more common than ever. Sometimes what is true is based on facts. And sometimes what is true is just true to a personal experience. Sometimes it’s both.

Recently I witnessed an argument about whether there is any difference between crevice [krev-is] and crevasse [kruh-vas]. The fact is this: they are both similar words and represent cracks of some kind, however, each has distinctly different meanings. A crevice is a more narrow opening (usually in a rock), while a crevasse is a deep hole (typically found in a glacier). 

Facts are the facts: you are right, I am wrong. However, when different experiences and feelings are behind the disagreement, it isn’t so straightforward. In this case, one person’s experience (‘I’m always told I’m wrong, even when I’m right’) can trigger painful experiences from their past. The other person’s experience can be somewhat neutral (‘this is no big deal’). Both personal experiences are valid, but neither story is totally true. If opposing experiences like this are repeatedly left unchecked, connection will crack apart. Each person will feel misunderstood, confused, or dismissed.

When we habitually argue over right or wrong, particularly on another’s personal experience, trust erodes and we create icy crevasses where there was once a small crevice or repairable crack in connection. And once we really fall into this dynamic, it can hurt a lot and it is hard to climb out.

Language (verbal and non-verbal) is a tool we use to communicate. Gaps in meaning don’t have to be deep cracks of disconnect we fall into. In fact, they can be opportunities for deeper understanding, growth, and connection for all sides. We must allow ourselves to be seen, and to see the other, even when it is uncomfortable or clunky in the way it happens. Even when we want to defend, or are near certain that we are right and the other is wrong.

Curiosity about ourselves and those closest to us builds bridges (i.e., trust) to traverse any widening cracks in meaning and connection. We just have to slow down, create space, and muster the courage to make it happen.

Building bridges takes more initial work and skill than falling in the cracks. Yet, it creates safety, a way to move forward, and keeps us from staying hurt or stuck. Building bridges can be hard work, but it is worth it.