You can't lose what you don't cling to.

My kiddo Jack recently got a new favorite stuffy for his pre-k graduation. In the beginning, he loved this stuffy so much (an owl named Nick). He could not leave Nick unless absolutely necessary: he came to the store, to bed, in the car to school, the list goes on.  

Then one evening, we couldn’t find Nick. Cue Jack meltdown. His world was falling apart. Peace in our house would not be restored until we found Nick. Jack needed Nick to be with him and to know he wasn’t gone. Turns out, Jack’s favorite owl stuffy was never really gone - we just forgot him in the car. 

It’s been a few weeks since we got Nick and Jack has relaxed a bit. He still loves him, but he’s not so attached to knowing where Nick is at all times. We don’t worry about Nick so much.

Whether it is an owl named Nick, a rock we found on the beach, a piece of candy, or even a job, a relationship, a person, a self-perception - we can often get attached. We love that person, that situation, or that thing so much that we cling to it, we cling to expectations of how it should be if everything worked out the way we hoped. When things don’t go the way we hope or expect, we freak out and look for something to hold onto to give us ground or make us feel secure. In Jack’s case - we worried Nick fell out of the car, he might have been left at the park and some other kid got him. We run storylines in our head to have something to hold onto, even if it’s not true or makes us feel worse.

The thing about being attached to someone or something is that it paradoxically keeps us from being loving (to those around us and ourselves). Holding on tight actually blocks us from love. The truth is, none of us ever really ever have any solid ground to stand on. We never are totally secure. That’s life. Things don’t stay the same and we just don’t know how it’s going to turn out. The sooner we can relax with that, the sooner we can open up to our world as it is. 

The more we can let go, the more we can love.